Sometimes my life is crazy busy. Well I take that back, usually life is crazy and busy…. sometimes it is nice and organized. For most of my independent years my life has been that way. Part of me loves it and the other part would really like to be Mrs. Cleaver put together. I love getting things done, putting a personal touch and being involved in so many people’s lives. Usually this comes at the expense of late nights, running late and being frazzled. It is fun to be spontaneous and do things last-minute and try to fit everything in. Multi-tasking, streamlining and being clever usually help me accomplish things that make it seem like it came off without a hitch.
Since I have been married, working, and now pregnant I have been confronted, once again with the fact that I can’t do everything. I just can’t do all the things I love to do, see the people I want to see, and still be a wife and do the things I have been called to do. I still love trying to do everything and have a heart to do so, but it just isn’t feasible. Especially with a baby on the way, especially as a wife, especially as a daughter, sister, cousin, and friend, and most importantly, because what God says. In Exodus 18:17-18 it says, “17 Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. “ Yesterday I read this in a devotional, “Have you ever felt as if you were wearing too many hats? Jethro thought his son-in-law Moses was (Ex. 18). Leading the Israelites, arbitrating personal disputes, and handing down legal judgments for a great multitude was taking its toll. Finally, Jethro approached Moses, telling him: ‘This thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself’ (v.18). He wisely counseled Moses to delegate smaller disputes to other advisors and take the more challenging cases himself (v.22).”
I know that this verse is talking about giving counsel and equipping people with the truth, but there is another truth that I am, once again confronted with…It is easy to wear myself out doing good things, because there are so many good and fun things to do! Since I have been married it is amazing how much more complex life is, and there are only 2 of us! When I was single I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and there was a lot of freedom in my decision-making. Now being married, I had to take a step back, delegate some things out and discontinue others… some permanently, some for a season. This was hard to do and is still a challenge. We both have family in town, friends near and far, places we like to visit, things we like to do, and our own opinion about how things are supposed to go. Gavin does a wonderful job of providing leadership and direction for me and the direction of our home. As time goes on and baby comes around we will once again take a look and delegate and discontinue, all while growing in discipline and joy.
It is good to evaluate our lives and what we are doing and why we are doing them. I am learning that as I grow in age and hopefully maturity, so will my relationships. The way I related to my friends 5 years ago, just by the nature of change in our lives, must change also. Simply because 5 years ago I was in college, had free summers and days on end to be with people and plan. Now we are married, some have kids, some moved, some work, some live with parents, as our lives keep changing so do our relationships. Sometimes the implication of discontinuing something just means to change my approach. For example, even though I would love to drive to Chico every month to see people, it just isn’t feasible. Does that mean discontinue completely? No! I can learn to connect through phone, or email, or a card. Celebrate important dates from afar, and hopefully meet up when it works.
Going through this year of marriage I am learning how to care and invest in people in a different way. Because they are important to me. Even though I can’t be with them physically the way I used to, I can find ways to connect in other ways. This has been hard for me and a big area of growth. This has been an area that I want to control and I don’t always want to submit to God or Gavin in. Even though Gavin loves me and is usually right (no I can’t go to breakfast, a shower, a wedding, and dinner at a friend’s house all in one day in the middle of an already busy weekend!) I am learning to be content and consider it joy. Which is funny because this is the time of life that I have waited and prayed for almost my whole life… to be a wife and a mom!!! Gavin knows when I am over tired and need to nap, he knows when I am doing too much. He is very kind and usually helps me cut things out of paper for a gift last-minute as I am running out the door already late, because I was with a friend too long at breakfast. He helps me, supports me, and also tells me no. Praise the LORD!
Becoming an adult is hard and sometimes it just plumb tuckers me out. The list is long of things to do and think about. It really could be endless. I am encouraged by what Jethro said to Moses and find hope in the truth in Exodus and sprinkles all through scripture. I would like to grow in grace and wisdom and truth and discipline while I trust the Lord discontinuing and delegating. But I think my life will always have a flare of chaos and I’m glad. 🙂